HERE I AM, SEND ME.

This past month the Lord has been teaching me so much and completely changing the way that I am and the way that I think about myself. Since I live with 40 people I’ve been telling my testimony a lot. And one of the last times I told it, I realized that because I was blessed to grow up with a loving family in a Christian home, the only thing that I thought I could choose for myself was not Christ.

It was in that moment that I saw myself as the prodigal daughter.

I was given an incredible childhood and have always known God, but I chose to turn away from all of that for a glamorized life I thought was so much better. I chose to live as the world lives and only found myself completely crushed and unsatisfied. Through all the years that I made my own way in life I began to pick up things and carry things that were not mine and not who I really was. I wore those things for so long that up until last week I was convinced that those things were who I really was. I thought I was selfish, and rude, and insecure, unworthy, and a sinner. As the Lord began to approach all those things in me I thought that the Lord was going to have to completely destroy me and build me back up to get rid of all of the lies that I had believed for myself for so long. I had to get to a point where I believed in my soul that there is enough power in the name of Jesus to forgive every sin and undo every lie. Praise the Lord that Jesus’ name is immensely more powerful than I will ever be able to understand or acknowledge. His name is powerful enough to redeem and restore everything, every lie, and every life. Not only does he have enough power to do all those things, but also he loves his children so much that he wants to do all those things for them.

I’m finally at a point where I can say that I know my daddy loves me, that he’s not mad at me, and that he wants me to come home. So I’m sprinting back home. And the most beautiful part about it all is that he’s sprinting even faster towards me. This, my friends is the most undeserved love that there ever was. I don’t deserve to be greeted by my dad with a ring and a rose, but I am; I don’t deserve to be swooped up and held, but I am; I don’t deserve to be forgiven, but I am.

This is unconditional love.

And as I’m running back to my dad’s house I’ve noticed that all the stuff that I’ve been wearing is falling off and all the stuff I’ve been carrying is gone. God didn’t have to completely destroy me and rebuild me, I’ve always been his daughter and exactly who he created me to be, I just had to shake off some things that were never a part of my identity.

I am a daughter of the king. His love is so overwhelming, and so undeserved, but it is so good. So even though there is still a lot to work on inside of me, I know who I am and who’s I am, and that will always be enough.

Kate