hands up

This has been a very ‘spinny’ week. I mean I’ve spent every lull of the past week thinking and planning and figuring things out, my mind has been racing.

There’s always a lot going on when you live with 17 girls. This week I had all kinds of logistical things to figure out, including how to get us all across the border to Burma to renew our visas.

Also this week I just happened to realize that almost all the girls on our squad have some sort of plans for when we get home. Some are going back to school, some working, some back to Honduras, but I on the other hand don’t really know what life looks like past May.
Up until yesterday I had the idea that I was going to go back to school in the fall. That just makes sense. I want to be a nurse and when I get home it’s time to be adult and go back to school.
The problem is that every school I applied to just didn’t feel right, and living at home and going to community college didn’t settle right either.

I called my parents yesterday because I wanted them to help me sort my thoughts out, to help me make plans- but they actually did the opposite.


My whole life I’ve felt like people have had expectations for me, and when I couldn’t meet them I felt worthless, less than, and disappointed with myself.
I especially felt like that for taking a year off of college. I felt like I had failed, like there was something wrong with me because I hated OU. I felt like I had disappointed people, that once again I hadn’t met someone’s expectations for my life.

I was even more scared to sign up for this trip than to not go back to school, scared that I was making a mistake, scared that I wasn’t going to be supported.

But every Saturday morning second semester my dad and I would hike Turkey Mountain and he would listen as I vented about OU and help me process the options for the next year. He helped me get free of the expectations I thought people had for my life and helped me see that following Jesus, even when it isn’t exactly convenient or normal, is okay.


And once again he used my dad and mom to save me from the mad spinning happening in my head this week.

I thought that they would be thrilled that I was planning on going back to school. But as my conversation with them went on I realized that my parents didn’t have any expectations for me, they want me to do what God wants me to do.

And it just hit me, it doesn’t matter what people expect from me.
So I let go of my plans and God gave me so much peace.
Talk about getting free.


I don’t have plans past the summer, and that’s okay, because I’m not the one making them. I’m just following my Jesus wherever he leads.
He’ll tell me what I need to know, when I need to know it, no sooner.

I’m not scared anymore.
I’m not scared of not meeting people’s expectations, or falling short, or doing something risky.

There is no fear in love, perfect love casts out all fear.

So here I am, living in Thailand with some incredibly crazy people, getting ready to move to South Africa, and following the whisper of the Holy Spirit.
And as of right now, that’s all I know.


  • Jean eng
    January 22, 2013 - 9:36 pm | Permalink

    You are a beautiful inspiration Katie! You inspire me to deeper depths of the lord and of the.holy spirit. So proud of you for following the leading of the holy spirit! Sometimes it is hard but as you said it brings great freedom, peace and great rewards also! You are a blessing and you are blessed!!! Love you so much! Momma

  • Aunt Steph
    January 28, 2013 - 5:03 pm | Permalink

    Sweet darling Katie,
    Precious and beautiful vessel of honor and strength! You are the apple of your Father’s eye’ blessed and highly favored of God! We miss you so very much but Amal very thankful that you press on to the calling within!
    You are in my heart always and keeping you and your friends in prayer throughout each day!
    You have wisdom and discernment to know how God is leading you! He has such great things for you! You will fulfill ALL He has called you to do!
    God is certainly with You, for You and In You!!!! You walk in His ways and he will show you things to come.
    I am so very proud of you to take this time to do as the Lord leads you.as much as we miss you, we all are excited and proud of ALL that God is doing through you and the team. Lives that will never be the same for eternity because you stopped to love, to be willing and open!
    I know God has great things because of your faithfulness and willing heart!
    We are ALL thinking of you and praying you have an incredibly special and wonderful birthday,! I can’t wait to give you a giant hug and tell you how very much I love You!!!! …. And how proud I am of your precious, loving, giving, generous and obedient heart! God is going to bless your socks off! You please the Father and His love is set upon You sweet, precious Katie!
    Praying a wonderful, special birthday for You that is full of happiness , love, fun and wonderful things! Happy Birthday beautiful girl!
    Love you tons and tons!!!!! Always and forever! X0X0.
    Aunt Steph.

  • January 29, 2013 - 6:09 pm | Permalink

    all so good.
    cannot wait to see your pretty little face.

    proud of you, katie!

  • February 7, 2013 - 5:46 pm | Permalink

    Thanks, Katie. I love how you follow….and lead us as you do!

    This is beautifully written. And gives us a beautiful glimpse into how your dad both follows and leads as well.

    Praying for you as you transition to Cape Town.

  • Terry Sperle
    February 8, 2013 - 4:52 pm | Permalink

    Hey Katie. Annasperles mom here. Don’t know where in south Africa you are but my sister is in cape town where the Arndts and Lauren Caldwell are. She always likes to get with the Tulsa people who find there way over there. She works in the township schools but is associated with All nations also. Great to hear what you’ve been up to. I forwarded this to Anna

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